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The Holy Rape
It all begun on 35 Zaizember, 5067. Atop the mountains of High-Himalaya, the Llama-kin were praising the Golden Llama, typical to days of norm. All of a sudden, a low-priest of Loweresque Himalaya entered the Sanctified Car Garage, thus disrupting the Ancient Seal of the Sophie. And thus, the era known as The Holy Rape soon begun, ushering a new age of the Llama-kin of Shang-Ri-Llama. The Beginning (35 Zaizember, 5067) "The beginning is always almost never the ending."-Chaska, during a fight at the bar. As the Llama-kin were studying the great arts of the Golden Llama's greatness, a lower ranking low-priest of the lowesque Himalayas entered the Sanctified Car Garage, which was sealed away during the 53rd Earth Era due to a bet Chaska failed with an imp. This imp sealed the Car Garage with the Great Seal of Sophie, a level 789 binding spell, only used during the direst of times. The unknown low-priest destroyed this seal with unknown methods. The best theory supporting this is the evidence of leftover Mongol-Chicken lube seen at the scene, which leads to the theory of the Educational Ex-Boyfriend Implosion. Essentially, this means that the chicken lube was used to summon one of Chaska's various ex-boyfriends in order to create an emotional collapse in the timelapse to destroy the giant vault door leading to the Sanctified Car Garage. Soon after, the humongous cliffside holding up the Garage disappeared from existence, causing the Well of Oil to burst out of the side and flood the Valleys of the Nigeros. The Mid-Game: Flood of the Nigeros (-12 Hibember, 5067) "It was my entire stash." -Chaska, soon after the Ex-Boyfriend Implosion. As the High-Tops of Himalaya are approximately 5723.56 miles tall, it took the Well of Oil 15 days and 14 hours to reach the Valley of the Nigeros. As the valley was bombarded by the oil for 3 days straight, it plummeted the valley into chaos. Electric power was cut off, fauna and flora were utterly destroyed, leaving no trace of life. Water was corrupted to no end, and most of all the KFC was closed down shortly after due to visitor complaints of death and poisoning. Many obese American Princes were slain; approximately 3 of them were obliterated during the destruction. The High-Priests of the High-Archimonde of Shang-Ri-Llama were distraught, but approximately 34.26 seconds (although most experts think it was 34.565678112 seconds) after the spill they went back to praying to the Golden Llama and continued harvesting Llama spit for another 34 years or so. As the Valley of the Nigeros stayed destroyed, Chaska, atop the highest planes of Himalaya, rested his head on the mountaintop for the last time. The Late Game: The Anus Reglorified (32 Selzaakun' Desaibah 5101) While one end of the High-Archimonde of Shang-Ri-Llama was deprived of oil, the other side prospered. Above the cumulonimbus clouds of the Himalayas, Chaska was resting on top of his stash of car models, in the hall of the Lancia Stratos. Deep in the recesses of this corridor, a little light started to beep on and off. It was beeping shades of red and green, and soon, a level 67 Sign of Nickelback appeared on the light, causing a giant explosion in the hall of the Lancia Stratos. Chaska's car models were blown off the sides he fell off the cliff with them as he was masturbating. As he quaked with an orgasm, the semen was sent shooting straight up back to the cliff face. Luckily, since Chaska was indulging in too much Llama spit, the semen was sticky enough to attach onto the cliff. Alas, Chaska's "sexy ass" (Oscario 45) car models fell to the Valley of the Nigeros, never to be seen again. He was distraught, but at least he had chicken. He climbed back up the cliff, holding on to his string of semen, and when he got back up, he was faced with a giant crater in the cliff face. The Golden Llama statue was gone. Chaska screamed, and started to erratically hump the air and headbutt the walls of the old hall, rattling his body. All the high-priests gathered, and started to scream and join in with the headbutting as well. Eventually, the headbutts were so powerful the entire temple broke down (including the stash of sex lube) and was lost in eternity. Chaska decided to take this into his own matters, and yelled out the level 767 incantations of the Llama: "Naya tul'akash mi raghor ovok ni sa Llamasus Anusus Holrape Chas!" (By the power of The Llama's Anus, rape me so hard that my power shall show!!" Soon, a giant statue of the Golden Llama broke out of the ground and a beam of light streaked across the sky, a Llama running in front of it. Cars started to rain down from the sky, destroying the cliff face and the main bridge to the Tibetan Tea Shop (where the main Highesque Priests get their cache of Jasmine Tea). The Golden Llama started to tear, and a rift in space time appeared. Chaska screamed uncontrollably, his eyes rolling behind his eye sockets and his tongue became limp, and he started to shake it around like a gorilla in horny rampage. Chaska jumps in the portal, and appeared on the other end of the Sahara Desert, specifically near the only KFC in range. Eventually, all the Lowesque, Midesque, and Highesque priests came out of the portal, their pants unzipped, ready to serve Chaska's will. A huge picture of Genesis appeared on the ground, and the band came to. No, they literally came in their pants. Aferwards, Chaska passed out and awoke to the High-Archimonde of Shang-Ri-Llama, still intact. Unbeknownst to Chaska's mighty brain capacity of 4 gigs, all the priests were sacrificed in the recreation of Shang-Ri-Llama. And thus, the Holy Rape to recreate the High-Archimonde of Shang-Ri-Llama ended, and Chaska set off on his adventure to recruit people to his legion of bestiality loving mongrels. It was reported that Chaska said a blessing to himself before he went on his quest: "Naya Vasuur Ah-goh Nafiika Tuszaa Alaku" (May the Golden Llama guide me, into the eternal anus of Oscario.) Category:Event